


when you stand beside the ocean

by zukoandtheoc



Series: Stars by the Sea [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fusion, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s05e01-04 Wanted, Pre-Slash, Spoilers for Episode: s05e01-04 Wanted, after shit has gone down, but intentionally vague about what shit exactly has gone down, but not first fusion, these fools dont know how to talk about their feelings, this is gonna be pre-slash for a while im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 19:40:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11493369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zukoandtheoc/pseuds/zukoandtheoc
Summary: Standing beside the ocean has always made Lars feel small.Looking at it now, though, things are a little bit different.





	when you stand beside the ocean

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song [I Hope You Dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw) by Lee Ann Womack.

Standing beside the ocean has always made Lars feel small.

There’s something sobering about the sea. Watching the waves rolling in, crashing against the sand, washing up remnants of creatures long dead, little pieces of history brought to the shore, only to be swept out again with the next wave that passes. The ocean was here long before Beach City was, and it will still be here long after the town is gone.

It’s a strange feeling, the way standing by the ocean puts his life into perspective. The ocean does not care about him, not even when the water is swirling around his ankles; it could wash him out to sea and never notice. A thousand years from now, the ocean won’t remember any of the mistakes he made, or any of his accomplishments. It will still be here, tides rolling in and out just like they always have, constantly in motion without any regard for the world changing around it.

Some people are disconcerted by it. Lars has always found it comforting.

Looking at it now, though, things are a little bit different.

The ocean is still there, stirring up silt along the shore, unaware of just how close it, and the entire Earth, came to disappearing for good.

Lars knows. Lars knows, because he was there for the final battle. He fought for his home, to defend it and to return to it. Now he’s back, and nothing looks the same.

The ocean doesn’t look so huge to him anymore.

He looks up to the sky. It’s daylight, so there are no stars visible, and he wouldn’t know which speck of light was the right one anyway, but somewhere out there is the planet he died on. There’s a planet where he learned to fight, where he found a family in a group of fellow outcasts, where he helped to begin a rebellion anew. Somewhere out there, there’s a corner of another world that will forever be him. And now there’s a part of him that will always belong to the stars.

Now, there are so many pieces of him that belong to so many places and people – the result being an unshakable fear that the whole of him will never belong anywhere.

Lars knows he should be glad to be home, and really, he _is,_ but mixed up with that gladness is a lot of sadness and guilt and other feelings he’s not sure how to name, swirling around in him like seafoam and silt on the shore just before it all goes rushing back out to sea in preparation for the next wave to hit. He’s more than a little afraid of what that next wave will bring.

The sound of footsteps coming up the hill breaks him out of his reverie. “Lars!” a familiar, seemingly out of breath voice says. “What are you doing up here?”

Lars turns to look at Steven. He’s fifteen now, though it’s hard to say that he looks it – he hasn’t changed much in appearance, but to anyone who knows him well enough, he has a different air about him. He stands a little taller now, like he’s figured out how to carry the weight on his shoulders. There’s something else in his eyes, too, the eyes of someone who has seen too much for someone so young.

“Oh, hey Steven,” Lars says, trying – and mostly failing – a smile for his best friend. “Were you looking for me? Sorry, I…” He trails off, eyes catching on Beach City down below.

It looks bad. Really bad. Like, worse than the time a giant hand shaped spaceship crashed into the beach bad. The aftermath of the final battle is still strewn across the shore, with somewhat less fire than there was at first. Lars forces himself to look away from the wreckage.

“People are starting to come back into the city,” Steven says, his eyes having followed Lars’ gaze. “We could really use your help cleaning up.”

“I know,” Lars says. He can see Garnet and Greg, guiding people back into the city; Pearl and Peridot, sweeping sand and scrap metal out of the streets with their powers while Connie does the same with a broom; Bismuth and Amethyst, rebuilding the Boardwalk, Lapis holding back the water that had destroyed it. There was a time when the people of Beach City would have been left to recover and rebuild on their own, while the Gems tended to their own wounds, but that was before Steven.

“What’s wrong, Lars?”

Damn. He never could slip anything past that kid.

Lars sighs, not making eye contact. “It’s… kind of really weird to be home? And… I’m kind of scared to go down there and… see everyone…”

“Lars,” Steven says. “Everyone’s been waiting to see you for months. They’ve all missed you so, so much.”

“I know!” Lars snaps. “I know,” he repeats, softer, apologetic. “But I… I’m not the same person I was months ago, Steven! I’ve changed so much… I can’t just go down there and pretend everything’s gonna go back to normal now.”

Steven shakes his head. “No, it’s not. Everything is different now, but that’s okay.”

“No, it _isn’t_. You always say that it’s okay but it’s not! I don’t know anyone down there anymore, and they don’t know me. How can I go back and face my parents after all that’s happened? How can I face Sadie? I’m – I’m not even a normal human anymore!” Lars drops to the ground, nervous energy spent in his outburst. He puts his head in his hands, trying not to cry.

“Lars…” Steven’s voice breaks. “I’m sorry.”

Lars takes a deep breath. “No,” he says. “Don’t be. I’m not… I could never be mad at you for any of this.” He turns to look at Steven – the younger boy’s expression looks about as pained as he feels. “I’m just… really scared and confused right now, and I don’t know what to do.”

Steven sits down next to Lars. “I get it,” he says softly. “You’re… scared that everyone’s going to look at you differently now.” His eyes drift over the destruction on the beach. “Now that they’ve seen what you’re capable of.”

Lars nods slowly.

“And you’re confused because, like, you’re kind of stuck between two worlds, right? You’re not really a human, but you’re not really a Gem, you’re something weird and in between, and even though you hang out with weird humans and weird Gems and you love them, you still don’t feel like you fit in and they don’t understand and you’re kind of scared that maybe no one will understand, because no one is like you, but you’d be wrong about that because there’s me. You’re like me, because we’re both not like anybody, and no matter what anyone else says or thinks of you, I’ll always be here, and you can’t get rid of me, so please,” he stands up and holds out a hand to Lars, “let me help.”

The smile on Steven’s face and the sheer affection in his eyes makes Lars’ breath catch in his throat. “Okay,” he says softly, and takes Steven’s hand.

 

Stars blinks into existence, filled with grief and love. He thinks that maybe those two emotions are what he’s made of.

Standing on Earth for the first time, he takes a deep breath, and smells the sea. He hears it, too, waves crashing on the shore, constantly in motion, constantly changing, just like the Earth, just like both halves of him. Looking at the ocean now, he doesn’t feel small at all. He’s part of the reason it’s still there, and he’ll go on protecting it and the Earth for as long as Steven and Lars will. He’ll forgive their mistakes, and remember their accomplishments, and he’ll help them to do the same.

Lars didn’t know where he belonged, was afraid that maybe he didn’t belong anywhere.

But Stars knows.

_I’m here._


End file.
